Another New Year - 2009

New Years Eve. A night that brings forward so many memories in my head. Midnight tonight will be the 15th New Year's anniversary of the night that my husband proposed marriage to me. We were so young fifteen years ago. What were we possibly thinking?! That is just it, we were not thinking. fifteen years ago today I was 18. Daron was 20. At the final hour of the New Year's count down, Daron bent himself down to a one knee position and proposed. We were in company with several of our work/card playing friends.

For fifteen years, Daron and I have enjoyed having friends over to play games (usually cards) to ring in the New Year. While the night seems that it would be very special to me, it oddly doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy or anything. Should it? As I age in years of marrige it only marks another year that we completed in marriage. "We got there. We rounded another curve and are pushing towards another." I can't really think of a single year of my marriage that hasn't been without a trial. I'm certain there were some that God would say were tougher than the other's but experiencing them all myself, I don't know for sure if I could rank them from least to greatest.

I suppose the greatest year of my marriage yet might have to be the year that I accepted Jesus as my savior. While life in marriage or life in general for that matter does not promise every day to be a glorious, fun filled day and perfect day, life with Jesus Christ seems to run so much smoother. As a lover of the Lord, I will certainly still be challenged and tempted in this world. I will still have to face the challenges of dealing with my own sin and my own selfish nature. I will always have to learn to love people that I might not really like. With God in control, Jesus holding my hand and the Holy Spirit dwelling within me I can tackle life issues with a little more ease, with a lot more hope, with an enormous since of elation and joy and with an everlasting kind of peace.

Many decisions that I've made in my life I regret. But, choosing Jesus has to be the one decision that I have made that I'll never regret. Each day I have to make a conscious effort to choose Him though. When my mouth wants to say something ugly, when I want to push away other people with unkindness, when I feel the need to gossip, when I want to give up...I can choose God and He never leaves me. I'm not saying that I never slip up and have an ugly attitude or say something unkind to another person. I'm not saying that I don't struggle with my own selfishness. I'm still human and struggle just like the next person does. But, with Jesus, it makes life easier to deal with. His love is so accepting and real even when I fail. His grace and mercy is what I need. He forgives me when I mess up again and again. To know that I'm still loved by Him and wanted to do His work even when I mess up...well...it keeps me picking myself up and moving forward.