Rambling Thoughts Before Leaving for Indonesia

The 24 hour count down is near. I'll be leaving for my trip to Indonesia in less than 48 hours (actually in about 36 hours from now). For the most part I'm packed and ready. I've got a handful of odds and ends that I've got to get and several things I feel like I've got to do before I am totally ready.

I don't think all of my "to do" list will happen. But I'm pressing in! Laundry, laundry, laundry. The family will have no groceries if I don't try and refill the fridge with just a little bit. I've got Valentine's Day stuff to prepare. I've got a house to clean up a little bit - toilet's to clean. I've got to take the dogs to the groomer and get them a fresh haircut so they are not disgusting by the time I return in 2 weeks. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow.

I feel overwhelmed actually. I want to complete so many other things that are rotating in my head. I hope I sleep better tonight than I did last night. I tossed and turned from about 2:30 AM on last night. I wasn't worried per say, I was just thinking that I'd forget to do something before I left. I mean, I wasn't worried or scared about the trip.

I think my kids are getting a little antsy about my leaving now. I've seen a few tears shed here and there. I am praying for them. I pray that they will be strong and courageous while I'm away. I pray they will be helpful and will press onward doing things as if I were right here. I want them to just do the best they can do and be the best they can be. That is all God wants from them too. I'm going to really miss them. They are such a huge part of my life. I love them so much.

I've thought about Daron a lot. I think I worry about him. He gets a little grumpy having to do too much. I pray that he will feel confident in the Lord as he presses forward with the kids. I pray that he will grow closer to God in this all. I pray that he will grow closer to Kaitlyn and Mitchell and Matthew. I pray that he will see a part of himself that he hasn't recognized. I pray that he will remain strong, but patient and loving. I pray that his heart will be humble and weak. I pray that all of this journey will ignite in him something new, right and real. I pray that he will be honest and faithful. I pray that he will just come alive in Christ with great passion. I pray that he will have opportunities to speak and will not be afraid. I pray that he will be real with himself and others. I am trusting God. I am walking out in faith with this one...

I've been thinking a lot about my family, my brothers and sisters and mom and dad. I know they must think I'm crazy. That is okay. Sometimes I think they are too! :-) What is neat is, my family will love me anyways.

I must say that my mom has supported me with this decision amazingly. (I'm gonna tear up....) I've had a few heart to heart conversations with my mom in the past year or so. I think she understands me better right now than she might have ever. I know my mom wants to see me happy. I'm happy. I'm tired though. I can't explain it in words here, but I think my mom has a mutual understanding with me on this one. She has been so encouraging and thoughtful through this process. Like any mother, she expressed her concerns and worries at first, but she listened to me with an open mind and heart. She listened to me; I loved that. While she might not necessarily want to see me fly so far away and while she might worry for her grandkids, she understands and supports my decision. I'm very thankful for my mom. God has been doing something really neat between her and me as I've gotten older. She just seems to understand me more and I think I understand her better too. I love her to pieces. I pray tonight that God will protect her and ease her mind. I pray that He will draw her closer to Him, trusting Him and loving Him more.

My house needs to be picked up. I see things others people claim they don't see. I don't know why all that grass seems to come from outside in our home so much. It seems to stay on my floors. I have black rugs and the grass always shows up really well. I need to clean the bathrooms. I need to clean out the refrigerator and rearrange the freezer. I wanted to prepare a couple of freezer meals for Daron - guess I'll have to go to the store and buy those. I've got to be sure I have emergency contacts all typed up and sent out to the appropriate people. I gotta get busy....I'm sleepy.Lord, hold me tonight. Help me to rest my mind. Help my mind to ease, my children to sleep well and Daron to sleep well too. Hold us together and unite us strongly. I ask in your name that the enemy be bound from our home. Lead us not into temptation. Forgive us when we fail. We want more than ever to know you more. We love you.